What I Did on My Summer Vacation (Part 3): Sh*t Gets Real

All right, let’s just get on with it, shall we?  I did a lot this summer, but summer gets farther away every day and rather than report on every lovely, sun-soaked moment, I’ma get to the good stuff.

Because there was one thing I did this summer that trumps playing flapper dress-up, exploring Colorado, and even reuniting with dear old friends.

I did something big, you guys, and I didn’t do it alone.

WE MADE A HUMAN.

Yup.  Mission: Conception 2k12 was a success (and a quick one – looks like the mister and I have fully functional downstairs parts).  Our creation is set to debut early May 2013, which means I’m now happily in the magical second trimester.  The first trimester was pretty horrible, to tell the truth, but I won’t go into every pukey detail.  Instead, here’s an excerpt from the little green notebook (“EPP Pregnancy v. 1.0”) I’ve been carrying in my purse:

Sunday 9/9/12: Hereby commencing week six.  So far, I’ve felt, oh, a thousand different things, including but not limited to:

disbelief
joy
anxiety
sadness
nausea
fatigue
desire to eat only mayonnaise
giddiness 
extreme tit pain/swelling

Things I want nothing to do with right now are mainly:

bras
anything that smells like anything
anyone who doesn’t know I’m pregnant yet (because it’s like a free pass to act weird/bitchy/exhausted/lame/etc.)  

I’m trying to work on my new routine for our show in a couple weeks, but I’m not finding it easy for some reason.  Maybe all my creative energy is in use elsewhere in my body?  Or maybe nausea and cannibal-themed burlesque don’t mix?  Odd that I’m doing this routine that’s all about death and destruction, all the while, unbeknownst to most people, my body is secretly doing just the opposite.

Cue “Circle of Life” here?

So there you have it, folks.  This summer I made a freakin’ baby.  It’s safe to say this blog will be taking a turn for the pregnant, but I hope to keep it not entirely baby-centric, since my life is still many other things, especially while this little apple* is still ripening.  I still want to keep performing as long as I feel up to it, so expect perhaps some thoughts on preggo burlesque in the future.  I’ll try to keep the nursery inspiration to a minimum.**

* That is, until Sunday, when it will magically turn into an avocado!

** Mainly because we probably won’t have an actual designated nursery.  C’mon, we’re poor renters, and all my costumes and stuff aren’t just going to disappear!

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