Dear Student Loans,

Oh hey, Student Loans.  Let’s talk.  You offer several different repayment plans.  One of them, mercifully, claims to base its monthly payments on the amount of money I make.  YAY!  How very sweet of you, Student Loans.  The number you came up with for my monthly payments is quite manageable.  Thank you!

Wait.

What’s this you sent me?

Our records indicate that you are currently on the Income-Contingent Repayment Plan (ICR).

Why yes, that is true!  And thank you again for that.

On this plan, your current monthly payment amount is not sufficient to satisfy the interest accruing on your account.

Um.  What?

If the accrued interest on your account is not paid by July 31, it will be capitalized (added to the principal balance of the loan).  Capitalization of interest will increase the total amount you must repay during your loan period and may cause your monthly payment amount to increase.

Okay, let me get this straight.  My monthly payment amount – the one that you came up with based on the amount of money I make – isn’t enough to cover the accrued interest – also an amount that you came up with?  And if I don’t pay the accrued interest – which one would assume, based on my monthly payments, is more than I can afford – this may end up causing my interest rate to go up more?  Therefore making it even harder for me to pay?

Huh?

HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?

Well.  Clearly I need to
a) get a second job,
b) sell my kidney,
or c) do nothing because what else can I do?

(answer: c)

Whatevsies, Student Loans.  You cray.

P.S. The saga continues here.